I love having talks with my girlfriends! I feel like my attempts to be “motivational” or “encouraging” in our conversations often lead to the BEST writing inspirations! (LOL) It is my guilty pleasure! But recently, I found myself encouraging myself while attempting to encourage a friend.
Long story short we were talking about times when we’ve stepped out of character and been a little embarrassed about it. Let’s face it, if you are known for behaving a certain way and that is your “character” then all at once you perform outside of that norm, you may get some blank stares, some whispers, and in some cases serious judgement. I’ve been there! Cursing at folks for taking my kindness for weakness. Getting a little snazzy when I someone rubbed me the wrong way. Showing up late to meetings when I try super hard not to fall into the CPT stereotype. Even forgetting and being confused about deadlines because of my own lack of organization. These things and others like them all have happened to me and at one point or another may have put a dimmer on my reputation or made others think differently of me… but one thing I found myself struggling with most was the way I thought of myself.
Often times, in an attempt to get and do things right, I’ve struggled with moving beyond my wrongs and ultimately forgiving myself. That time I cursed that girl out, more than anything I was truly upset with myself. I remember thinking, “How could I let her get me out of my character?” Or that time I was consistently late to work day after day, I remember thinking, “Why can’t I get it together, I am soooooo displeased with myself!”
The same was similar in that conversation with my dear friend. There I was trying to encourage her not to be so hard on herself and to forgive herself, yet I’d been guilty of the same thing. I found time to forgive the waitress at the restaurant who suggested a meal that was actually disgusting, to forgive that friend who stood me up for “bae”, that girl who stepped on my big toe at the party, and even the boy who literally drove over my heart with a tractor, but somehow I couldn’t seem to forgive myself…
The point is, I had to learn to forgive myself, too, and so do you! It is normal to make mistakes, no one is perfect. There will be more times where you mess up and don’t get things right. There will be more times where you are a bit embarrassed about an error you’ve made or for stepping out of character to check someone. There may be another time where you take ex-bae back even when you know he isn’t good for you.
Forgive yourself for those frequent mess ups. For asking God for His forgiveness and deliverance from a sin and turning around the next week and repeating that same sin. For unblocking ex-bae’s number and texting him because you feel lonely. For snapping on the girl who called you a B-word and doesn’t even know your middle name. For having road rage and flipping off the driver in the next lane. For missing an assignment because you aren’t as organized as you thought. For being late to work over and over again.
For simply being human… live, learn, and FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!
By: Verinique D. Bailey, “The V. In Virtue”